Best Man Speech Jokes For Your Inspiration

One of the most memorable moments at any wedding is the best man speech. Not only does the best man help lighten the mood, but he also tends to bring great entertainment for both the wedding party and the guests.

If you are a friend or relative of a soon-to-be groom, and he gave you the honor of being his best man, these best man speech jokes and phrases may be just the ticket to inspire you to write that perfect speech that will surely be unforgettable. Here is a compilation of some of the BEST best man speech jokes to get you headed on the right path!

We’ve compiled a list of some of our favorites from iNews, Hitched, and The Plunge:

BEST MAN SPEECH JOKES (GENERAL AND ABOUT THE GROOM):

Roasting the groom or the ceremony in general is a huge part of a great Best Man speech. While most of the speeches at a wedding are heartfelt and tend to draw loving feelings from the guests; the Best Man can steal the show and add some humor which can mean major entertainment for the Bride and Groom’s guests. Consider these Best Man jokes to add to your speech to keep the crowd entertained and on their feet!

“It’s been a great day, even the cake is in tiers.”
“I read somewhere that the best man speech should last as long as it takes for the Groom to make love, so ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!”
“I always knew the Groom’s speech would be hard to follow. In fact, I couldn’t understand a word of it.”
“Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, and a great man. But enough about me!”
“Marriage is grand. And divorce is about 10 grand.”
“[Bride’s name], please put your left hand flat on the table. [Groom’s name] please place your hand on top of hers. Enjoy this moment [Groom’s name] because it’s the first and last time in your marriage that you’ll have the upper hand.”
“The bride and groom have asked that I don’t talk about [GROOM’S] mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s it from me!”
“I’m going to keep this speech like [GROOM] – short and not very funny.”
” Hi everyone, I’m [BEST MAN], I’m the best man – although I think I was picked by default since the groom doesn’t really have any other friends.”

JOKES FOR THE BRIDE:

We all know the Bride is (and should be) the star of the show at a wedding. This is her big day! But as the Best Man, you should definitely make a point to include her as the center of attention in parts of your speech and make sure that parts of your speech is directed towards her. After all, it’s all in good fun!

“[Bride’s name], you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.”
“Speaking of Jane, I would like to say how beautiful she looks today in that fantastic dress…Dan likes it too, as he told me in the church it will blend in just nicely well with the rest of the kitchen.”
“Being asked to be the best man is about five minutes of glowing pride, followed by an eternity of panic and misery. Linda, I expect you had a similar experience when Paul asked you to be his wife.”
“Someone once said that marriage is a 50|50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”
“I do have to say though how lucky you are Dave, your’e leaving with a beautiful wife whom you love. And you, Miranda, you get to go home with such a nice new dress and beautiful bouquet of flowers, it’s great.”
“If there’s anybody here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you’ve just married [GROOM].”
“All those amongst you who know [BRIDE] well will know that she is a wonderful and caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God [GROOM] married her before she found one.”
“We all know the bride is a wonderful lady who deserves the perfect guy. Too bad you don’t always get what you deserve.”
“Good evening, family and friends. I’m very happy to preside over the only five minutes of the day [BRIDE] didn’t plan.”

JOKES ABOUT YOURSELF:

The key to a great best man speech is to be sure to make jokes about YOURSELF. It doesn’t have to be all about roasting the groom! So go ahead, make fun of yourself a little! Here are some ideas for best man speech jokes that roast YOU, which oddly, people seem to find really entertaining!

“A Best Man is like a dog. You love him, care about him, and he’s only thrown up and ruined your upholstery twice.”
“I recognize my place here; being Best Man at a wedding is like being the dead body at a funeral. Your’e expected to be there, but if you say too much people start freaking out.”
“When I sat down to write this speech I Googled “perfect best man speech”, but you had to pay to read the examples and I didn’t think it was worth it, so I’m gonna wing it.”
“I’ve been anxious about giving this speech for a while now. Fortunately last night I slept like a baby. Waking up every two hour and bawling my eyes out. Ten minutes ago, I had to ask a complete stranger to burp me.”
“If you can’t hear me in the back, let the silence in the front assure you that your’e not really missing out on anything.”
“Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to. You’re made to dress in a suit and pretend to be an upstanding member of the community. The only difference is I didn’t have a say if the life sentence passed earlier today.”
“The bride and groom have asked that I don’t talk about [GROOM’S] mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s it from me!”

MAKE IT YOUR OWN:

This a general list of ideas to inspire you to start brainstorming. Feel free to use some of these exact jokes, but don’t forget to include more “sentimental” jokes in your best man speech. Maybe tell stories from your childhood friendship if you have been involved in the Groom’s life since then. Taking memories of your relationship and using them for entertainment is also a great way to add to the perfect best man speech. Use these ideas and a few of your own and rest assured, your best man speech will be one that will be remembered for years to come!